Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Lacking Faith

I feel like my faith is really being tested right now. It is easy to keep the faith, do the things you know you should be doing when everyone shares in the same belief and you have that love and support. Put yourself out there where you have all these obstacles and I have to admit, it is not easy at all, at least not for me. Lately, I feel like a weakling because a lot of times I think how much I want to go back to Utah and be around all the people who I know, who love me and support me instead of thinking about why Heavenly Father wants me here and what He wants me to do. I want to do that, but it is hard when my heart aches so much and longs to be in Utah. I know we are supposed to be here and Devan feels the same way that we are supposed to be here. I am just angry right now. Devan, at least last time I talked to him, wants to find a different job that pays more so he doesn’t have to work over time and that will work with him going back to school. My faith is lacking in that I wonder is this really going to happen? I know this is probably bad, but I am hoping that this is like the story of Abraham and Isaac where the Lord says, I just wanted to see if you would do all that I ask of you. You can go back to Utah now. But for some reason, I don’t think that is going to happen and I don’t think I have quite the same attitude as Abraham did. Plus, I am being selfish.
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1 comment:

R Fitz said...

I am sorry this is all so hard for your family...but the easiest way to get an answer on this is to try and be positive and make the most of things. Even if you were suddenly able to move back, nothing ever remain the same. Friends move on, jobs change, homes change, circumstances change...even if we try to recreate a positive time in our lives, it never works out the same again which is just as hard as being in an entirely new situation. I think that everyone has their own opinions on the reasons you were supposed to move to Texas...but only you and Devan can find the reasons for yourself. It could have been to make you appreciate what you had. It could be to help you grow closer to each other through some trials. It could be to touch the lives of someone else that you may know about or you may never know that you did. It could be that it will somehow bring an answer to one of you that you could find no other way. I wish it were easier for you all, but if it was I don't think you would find what it is you are meant to find. Try to find faith...I know it's hard, but the two of you showed more faith than just about anyone i have ever heard of when you decided to go to Texas. We love you all and we pray for you and hope that all will work out for the best...but it's your attitudes that will decide how it goes.

May 20, 2009 at 6:41 PM

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